Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
