Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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