I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
