shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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