Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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