I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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