That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
