I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
