We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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