Jerry, you need to find god
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
