watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
