Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
