Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
