At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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