I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
