Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I didn't notice because vodka
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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