So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
