we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
