as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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