when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
