Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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