Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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