A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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