i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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