Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
