Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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