only if we run a train.
done.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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