So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
