I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize