I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
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she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize