There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
