maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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