So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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