it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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