He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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