Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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