Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
