shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
