All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
