there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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