I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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