i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
