I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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