my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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