I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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