i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
