the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
