we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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