just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
