Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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