it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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