So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
