I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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