Apparently you make a good broom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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