So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
