Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Randomize
