I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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