I puked a lego.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
