I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
