shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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