The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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