i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
