Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
