It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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