im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
