I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
