I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
