i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
