i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.