Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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