Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...