Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one