You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
