Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho