I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.