You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole