Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?