Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
